never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
