we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
