after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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