wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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