Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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