Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
