if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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