Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
