dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
