she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
