They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
