Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
