I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
