come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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