bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
