drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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