this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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