Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
