I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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