I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
