I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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