ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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