I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
