when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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