Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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