i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
