What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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