I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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