Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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