I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize