i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
