STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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