He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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