I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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