Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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