I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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