I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
