well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
