I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
