so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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