i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
