i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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