You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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