from now on my penis is your penis
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
