i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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