you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
