last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
