Tell her she can't have a vagina
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
