I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
