my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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