Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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