Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
