she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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