I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
