Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
