i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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