Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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