Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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