She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
