Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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