10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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