Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
